If someone tries to erode your self-confidence, deny your experience, or plant seeds of self-doubt, there’s a word for that: Gaslighting.

• “You only think you know.”
• “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
• “I never said that.”

Gaslighting is abuse. It happens in relationships, often without the awareness of the person receiving it. It can cause trauma. And it’s never okay.

We need to know more about what gaslighting is, and why someone would use it. Trauma survivors may be more susceptible to this kind of abuse, so it’s important to understand what gaslighting is and realize when it is happening in a situation, and how to deal with it.

Gaslighting In a Relationship Explained: A Trauma-Informed View Read More »

After living through abuse, neglect, or violence, it’s normal to promise yourself you will never let that happen again. That promise seems to make sense. You need to feel safe, to find some sense of control. Otherwise, the danger and powerlessness you feel are too hard to live with.

Control As a Trauma Response: Knowing You Were Powerless Helps You Heal Read More »

If you and your partner want to pursue couples therapy, that’s commendable! There is so much hope and help available in therapy. What if you’re dealing with intimate partner abuse or violence (IPV)? Therapy for domestic violence requires a trauma-informed approach.

Safety First: A Trauma-Informed Approach for Couples Who Want to End Abuse In Their Relationship Read More »

I learned an important concept about how to feel emotions again safely – especially after trauma– over 26 years ago from my favorite graduate school professor, the late Terry Taylor Smith, LMFT:

When you use the word “but” between two statements, it negates everything you say before it, while “and” allows you to be saying (and holding) both.

“And” is a powerful word. As a concept for healing, it’s life-changing. Once you start to employ this concept in your life, the possibilities are pretty incredible. I can’t think of a better time to write about how to feel and hold emotions. When so many are feeling numb and overwhelmed, “and” is more relevant and necessary than ever.

This is how to feel all your emotions – and not be overwhelmed – with one little word Read More »

The continued current state of the world is bringing stress to so many.

We’re standing at a crossroads where enormous challenges have converged like never before: a pandemic, racial injustice, political upheaval and division. They show up every day, in addition to whatever challenges you’re already experiencing in your life.

Coping with stress doesn’t have to be unhealthy Read More »

How are you coping with so much time at home? Whether you call it lockdown, sheltering in place, or quarantine, just about everyone’s work-life balance has been disrupted. We need to nurture ourselves even more than usual these days. We are all in need of more self-care, gentleness and especially healthy boundaries in relationships!

How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships After Trauma Read More »