Category Archives: Self-care

The Problem with Shoulds: How Should Statements Can Hurt You and What to Do About Them

should statements

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I should know better.

I should have learned my lesson.

I should be able to handle this by now.

I shouldn’t still be upset about this breakup/death/situation.

I would like to hereby eliminate the word “should” in statements like these. I’d like to remove the word “should” from the collective vocabulary of trauma survivors. I’d like to see most everyone else eliminate shoulds for that matter! These statements serve no positive purpose, they only attempt to criticize or hurt.

Continue reading

Is Worrying About the World Impacting Your Emotional Wellbeing?

protect yourself from worrying too much

From current events to politics, there is no shortage of anxiety-inducing information in the world. At times, it can feel like our senses are being bombarded with worrisome news. How much worry is too much? How can we cope? This can certainly be more difficult for those who have lacked secure attachment in childhood or have experienced trauma during their lives. In fact, those with insecure, avoidant, or disorganized attachment, attachment wounds, or trauma histories will have a harder time re-regulating their nervous systems.

How to Stop Worrying Too Much

Continue reading

Uncomfortable with Compliments? Why Being Able to Take In Kind Words Is So Important

Why Accept Compliments

Many people struggle to take a compliment. It doesn’t matter if the compliment comes from a loved one, a stranger, or a trusted source, like a therapist. The struggle goes much deeper than manners, modesty, or cultural norms.

I’m talking about the inability to accept what therapists call positive affect. The issue for some is about feeling, deep down, that you don’t deserve it, that you can’t believe it, that as a person you are not worthy, and that you can’t allow or take in the experience of feeling good about yourself, or even believing someone else feels good about you either. Continue reading

Using the Power of Clinical Consultations for Therapists

RIch personal connections support our best work

Personal connection is crucial to our work as therapists. We know how important empathic relationships are to mental and physical health. Being fully present during our client’s healing journey is the essence of our work.

But our life relationships are much more than a means of working with clients. We need rich connections in our personal lives and with our colleagues to be good therapists. Our professional interactions help us keep well informed, well supported and well educated to do this challenging work.

Continue reading